Is This Real Life?!Posted: January 26, 2011
Oh my dear sweet baby Jesus. I don’t even know where to begin. Well, at the beginning I guess 🙂
So, as many of you know – it’s currently snowing buckets outside. I wasn’t too upset when I got the news that the university was closing at 4pm, therefore delaying my first day of school until tomorrow 🙂 Great I thought now I can go over to Cory’s and we can make dinner. I then got on the road at 3:50pm.
When I left, it was raining. No snow in sight! But it went from zero to crappy real fast. Out of nowhere the angry snow gods decided to just dump all over Fairfax, Virginia. Snow was piling up on my windshield at an alarming rate. I had to get out of my car on four different occasions to pick up my windshield wiper’s slack.
In the beginning, I was unfazed by the traffic. I mean, I’m used to it. Or so I thought.
Let me enlighten you, friends. According to the extremely reliable Google Maps, Cory lives exactly eight point seven miles away from me. Normally, this drive takes us around 15 minutes. No big deal.
So after one hour, I was annoyed. But it was snowing pretty bad.
After two hours, I started to cry; and I really needed to pee.
After three hours, I started to rage (all the while still needing to pee).
I parked my car in the middle of the road for 30 minutes. Awesome.
The radio DJs kept saying “I know it’s frustrating, folks. But you’re not alone out there.” At this point, I started yelling (lots of) obscenities at people who couldn’t hear me. Then when they played Taylor Swift for the one thousandth time, I really lost it. You know I’m stuck out here, radio jockey, yet you’re going to play Mine again?! Gahhh!! I really just wanted some Alanis Morissette. Angry Alanis.
After four hours, I was delusional. I had not eaten in hours (dangerous under any circumstance, yet totally exacerbated by this snow-traffic nightmare) and I really really had to pee!
After FIVE HOURS and not even half a mile from Cory’s apartment – I got stuck in snow. And I ended up on the wrong side of the road. (I can’t make this stuff up.) Are you kidding me right now?! Is this real life? I won’t lie. I called my mom and cried. I was sitting in the middle of the road with my flashers blinking, crying on the phone with my mother. I am twenty-three.
“Reverse, then go forward. Reverse, then go forward” My mother coached me. I almost hit a mini van and a Subaru before I quit. I called Cory, and without hesitation he started walking. He’s the best. While waiting for Cory (still stuck!) a kind samaritan knocked on my window (which almost scared the pee out of me) and I opened my door and cried, my fiance is on his wayyy! I’m so close to where I need to beee! It’s been five hoursss. Yes, I was that dramatic.
He said Just straighten your tires and I’ll get you out of here. I was embarrassed to admit I didn’t even know which way my GD tires were pointed! God Almighty.
And don’t you know it, but that sweet man pushed me towards salvation. I’m barreling down the road at 7 miles an hour and call Cory as I spot him walking on the side of the road in almost a foot of snow to come save me. Are you wearing all black?! I yell to him I THINK I SEE YOU!! He says, Is that you with your flashers on? Damn it. Yes. He insists that I DO NOT STOP, so I breeze right past him. I’ll come back for you, my love is what I say out loud alone in my car. Again, dramatic and delusional.
After I pull into Cory’s complex (at 8:55pm), I bust out of the car and ran towards his direction in my snow boots. Which was not easy, as I still really had to pee.
I saw one man dressed in black up ahead of me – and I let out this huge, desperate “Ughhh” in his direction, only to realize as I get closer that it was not Cory. Oops! I finally got to Cory and all was right in the world 😉 But seriously?! FIVE HOURS to go 8.7 miles?! I just experienced insanity in it’s purist form.
I feel this blunt card sums up my life pretty well:
Yes, I think that’s pretty accurate 🙂
Did anyone else have experience horrible traffic today?!