The Pleasures of Being a Lady

The Good: Wearing Pink. Painting our nails. Playing with make-up. Not participating in PE because of menstrual cramps (which worked for me, until I realized that no one has “lady cramps” for three weeks in a row). No age-limit on having a sleepover. Drinking mixed drinks out of a straw.

The Bad: Shaving our legs. Plucking our eyebrows. Actually having menstrual cramps. Being taller than the boys in grade school. Bad hair days.

The Ugly: THE LADY DOCTOR!!

Christ Almighty, it’s that time of the year, friends. What a way to start my day. TMI? No – I’m not giving you a blow by blow. Most of you have probably been there, anyway. It’s a female bonding topic, no?

Let’s start by saying that the word “stirrups” is echoing in my head and it grosses me out.

I curse my lady parts the entire commute to this appointment. Why, damnit?! Why?!

True story: The first time I went to The Lady Doctor, I was sweatin’ it (which is normally what I do in all nervous situations.) I thought it would be a good idea to break the ice with some humor. So when she started doin’ her thang I said: “What? You’re not going to take me to dinner first?” She said: Nothing.

Painful Awkwardness: 1 Colleen: 0

Since the crude-humor approach didn’t work, I just shut my mouth and said Hail Marys until it was over. I had never felt so violated in.my.life. This episode has been burned into my brain and, thus, I still geek out over The Lady Doctor.

I also think it’s terribly awkward that she tries to talk to me about normal things while she’s “working.”Β How’s school? She’ll ask.Β Please remove that giant metal instrument, and then I’ll talk. Is what I’ll be thinking when I respondΒ Peachy.

Am I being a diva? Maybe. But I know you know what I’m talking about.

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19 Comments on “The Pleasures of Being a Lady”

  1. Cait says:

    haha i love this post! there are always good and bad things about being a lady of course. painted nails= love! bad= always needing to be ‘perfect’ and those cramps are the WORST. blahh! i think i complain every month πŸ˜‰ hope you have a fabulous wednesday my dear! xo

  2. I dread those appointments. Luckily, the first time I went, my doctor knew that it was my first time there, and she actually told me that she’d “make it really quick.” And she did. That doctor decided to switch practices, however, and now I have to find a new doctor. I know I shouldn’t use that as an excuse to put off my annual appointment (which was supposed to occur in February)…but I am.

  3. My doctor had to basically pry my knees apart at my first appointment. I still hate going, but I’ve gotten better at the small talk part.

  4. dressed2dish says:

    Ahh I have a “fond memory” of a trip over the summer I took to the lady doctor. I was sweating the whole way there…and seriously I think I would rather be in silence than have to answer questions during the “process” πŸ˜‰

  5. Michelle says:

    Omgosh this is toooo funny. And so painfully true. Good points πŸ™‚ Those are the worst appointments EVER! I shudder when I think about them.

  6. Jenny says:

    Awww how terribly awkward! I honestly have no shame and I love my gyno. He is a male but he’s the best, he tells you everything straight up and is so nice lol I know you must think I’m pretty weird that I love my gyno but no not the appointment!

  7. Alyssa says:

    diva?

    no way.

    “now, you’ll feel a little pressure….”

    aeiuahlhgargkawe.

  8. Ashley says:

    HAHAHAH!!! This is how I feel everytime I go! My dr. always wants life updates in the middle of the appointment, no I don’t want you to know my life while you are staring into god knows what! Luckily I can have until June to prepare myself! HAHAH!

  9. Jess says:

    ahhh i feel ya! i appreciate your joke, even if she didn’t- it’s hilarious!

  10. Jamie says:

    I laughed out loud the entire time reading this. I absolutely love you.

  11. kayejohn says:

    Confession: I’ve never been to the lady doctor.

    !!!!

    I know this is overdue of course. I’m just scared!!
    I just kept putting it off. Oh, I don’t have to go til I’m 18. Oh, I don’t have to go until I’m 21. Oh, I’m not ‘sexually active,’ I don’t have to go until I’m ready to be.

    Now I’m engaged, and I know I need to get checked out at SOME point before the big day…and night. OHSTARS.

  12. Paige says:

    I actually don’t mind the lady doctor too much. I mean yes, it’s weird and slightly uncomfortable…buuuut I’d go there every single month if it meant that I magically never had to go to the dentist again. Also, my lady doctor trips generally seem super quick compared to a lot of other doctor visits. I don’t really mind the conversation. My doctor asks me a couple random questions and then suddenly it’s all done.

    Honestly, maybe I just hate the dentist so the mental comparisons make it seem less bizarre. πŸ™‚

    • Colleen says:

      Hahha! Actually, today’s visit was pretty fast. I’m so mature now. Ha! But honestly, I was signing in and walking out in 20 minutes. I can dig that πŸ™‚

      • Paige says:

        Agreed! There is nothing worse than sitting in the waiting room for 45 minutes before the doctor sees you.

        Actually, there is something worse: when they have you go in right away and then leave you in the exam room for agessss before a doctor or nurse comes in. I’m always convinced I’ve been forgotten πŸ™‚

      • Colleen says:

        Yes! I’m always convinced they have forgotten! I’m always like “Okay..I’ll wait 5 more minutes…then I’ll step out in the hallway” (which I never do) ha!

  13. Katy says:

    This made me laugh so hard!! Haha!


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